CAUSE is something that makes something else happen. Out of two events, it is the event that happens first. To determine the cause, ask the question "Why Did it Happen?"
EFFECT is what happens as a result of the cause. Of two related events, it’s the one that happens second or last. To determine the effect, ask the question "What Happened?"
My dear husband left today for Puerto Rico, along with his sister, for his grandmother viewing and funeral. The whole thing just feels so bizarre to me.
Back in February, dh went to visit his father and relatives in Puerto Rico. His Grandmother, Mama Sabina, 93 years old, wanted to travel to Puerto Rico, too, to see her family and stay at her house. DH asked his Aunt to have Mama Sabina travel from Michigan to our house in New Jersey, for one day, before both of them traveled to Puerto Rico together. She was so very happy to see us and thanked God every day for the opportunity to come see us, especially Kaylie and Liam, her great-granchildren.
Off they went to Puerto Rico. On their return trip, Mama Sabina came to live with us for over a month and a half. Boy, were we in for an unexpected in-depth look into elderly care and Alzheimer!
Mama Sabina had a few things wrong with her, though you wouldn't know it if you saw her. For starters, she could only half see from one eye. She was hard of hearing (which was strange because at times she could hear fine, but others, even almost screaming she couldn't hear) and was imbalanced. She would get up from the couch, walk a few steps and all of a sudden get unbalanced. I had to be her shadow. I couldn't leave her out of my sight for a minute. She was very sweet, had a great disposition, and great appetite. She had good long term memory, but her short term memory left a lot to be desired. We didn't know she had Alzheimer or about her imbalance.
What made it worse was the fact that she couldn't remember that we had a bathroom in the first floor, so she always made a dash up the stairs to the 2nd floor. I was forever in fear that she would get one of her imbalance spells, fall down the steps and break her neck. Whenever I had to go to the bathroom or kitchen, I would have one of the kids keep an eye on her and tell me if she was making a run for the stairs.
WHILE she was staying with us, she did fall one time...in the bathtub. It happened while my sister was visiting my house, when my mom was in the hospital. I had left her alone for a few minutes, next thing I know she had fallen. Thank God that she didn't break anything! Ever since that day, I didn't let her do anything by herself. I realized that I couldnt' risk her getting hurt at my house.
DURING her stay at my house, I was her faithful companion. After a while, we found our rhythm and things were a little easier. I knew her routine, likes and dislikes. After a month at my house, she wanted to go back to her daughter's house in Michigan. DH tried to talk her into staying longer, but she was adamant about leaving. The day finally came...her daughter came to pick her up. Mama Sabina was drinking coffee (remember my coffee lover layout? :) and eating some crackers...her daughter snuck in and kneeled before her...when Mama Sabina looked up, she realized it was her daughter staring back at her. She exclaimed with delight "My daughter! You are finally here!" Boy, was Mama Sabina ever happy. I had never seen her so happy before. She said her goodbye and off to Michigan she went.
A few days later we got a call telling us that Mama Sabina was in the hospital because she couldn't breath properly. About a week and a half later, we get the call that she had fallen down the steps and broken her hip. She had to have hip replacement surgery. While recovering, she might have fallen again, and her plastic replacement broke thus necessitating a 2nd surgery to fix the hip again. During the 2nd surgery, her heart stopped 2 times and then her blood pressure dropped so much that they couldn't save her.
All I keep thinking is that I am ever so grateful that no harm came to her while under my care. I would be going crazy about now if she had had the accident here at my house. Oh, I know that this is nobody's fault, but still, I am the biggest worrywart that you would ever want to meet. I would never be able to forgive myself if she had died from surgery related to an accident at my house.
This is where cause and effect comes in. I wonder if she would still be alive today, had she stayed at my house longer, instead of going back to Michigan. I will never know.
She passed away on Friday, 5/16 at the ripe old age of 94. She turned 94 back in March. She led a long life. Later in her life, she got to do the things that she couldn't when she was younger. She traveled back and forth from Michigan to Puerto Rico to visit family and friends. She remembered them all always. Her long standing wish was that she be buried with her deceased son (died of a heart attack at age 36) in Puerto Rico. It was my husband's desire that her wish came true.
Since Friday, my husband has been in touch with family, distant relatives and friends regarding the the viewing and funeral arrangements. On Friday alone, he fielded about 40 calls. Mind you that he hadn't gotten much information from his aunt. He kept calling her and calling and calling her to get information, but she wasn't calling back. Whilst waiting for his aunt's call, he initiated the process of calling his uncle in Puerto Rico to have him make arrangements with a local funeral home to collect the body from the airport and embalming, all the while making sure that cementery plot where she was going to be buried was opened and cleaned up. Wouldn't you think that Mama Sabina's sons would take this responsibility upon themselves instead of my husband who is 3,ooo miles away? My husband does it gladly, but I still don't see her family, who resides in Puerto Rico, taking responsibility.
It was decided that there would not be a viewing in Michigan. There would be a very private gathering where people could say their goodbyes. Arrangments were made for her body to be sent to Puerto Rico. Her body was supposed to be shipped out yesterday, but late in the afternoon we get a call that the body was held up at the airport because they needed some kind of tracking numbers from the funeral home. In the meantime, her daughter missed her flight. When she finally boarded a later flight, they were trying to call her to tell her of the need for tracking numbers, but because she was in flight, the call wouldn't go through. The call landed on my husband's lap. DH had to call his aunt's exhusband to ask for the funeral home's name, so that I can look up the number on the internet to make the call and get the requested information. Unbelievable.
Anyway, dh came home last night; his voice was shot. He had been talking so much lately that it strained his vocal chords. That and the fact that the weather here in Jersey has been switching from cold to hot to cold. When that happens, we always get sick.
Now, add the kids to the mixture. They were so upset last night. They were crying up a storm at the thought of Daddy leaving again. He left at 5 in the morning and thank God that everything is working according to schedule for him. Can you believe that a ticket to Puerto Rico under such extreme circumstance is about 900 bucks? With the help of a family friend, he was able to get it for half of that. We are not even talking about a non-stop flight...he had to layover in Florida for a couple of hours. For goodness sake, it is only a 3 hour flight! I wonder if he feels like Gilligan on his 3 hour trip? :)
The body should arrive today, viewing will be tomorrow at the funeral home, and burial will be the next day. The viewing has been another issue, too. My husband's father wants the viewing held at his house. The funeral director would prefer that the viewing be held at the funeral home because of the heat. Puerto Rico is hot and bodies tend to decompose faster in hot weather. He thinks that because he lives on a hill where it is nice and cool, the effect will be less. We will see how this turns out... Are these events usually so complicated?
Got to go pick up the kids at school. It is freaking cold, dark and rainy.
DH just called. He got to Puerto Rico safe and sound. He is having trouble with car insurance. Yeah, we need this happening right now, too.
1 comment:
Oh my Kait! I am so very sorry to read about your loss. I know its been forever since I've said hi (back at 3S) but I was leaving a comment on someone else's blog and saw your comment...which led me here. Cause and effect indeed. I too just recently have had my Mother-in-Law (although yours is technically Grandmother in Law) in my life with Alzheimer's and poor balance. She is safely living in a home just a mile from our home after we went last week to New York to pick her up and bring her down to North Carolina. Its sad to see the progression of life end with someone who still has so much to give being incapacitated mentally.
I'm sure no matter if you had her still living with you or not, something would have happened eventually. It sounds like you were extremely vigilant in her care and I take my hat off to you. I had my MIL in my house for about two hours and I was at wit's end with the stress from fear of her getting hurt. It is frightening how fragile life is when you're older.
I wish you, your husband, your family and all the best of times. It sounds like she is in a much better place and that she is being well celebrated after a good long life. We should all be so lucky!
Take care!
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